THE BULLY

I was angry for some other reason then. 

Even the request for a cup of tea from my father which I usually undertook as a sweet service came upon me as an order. So, I went stamping my foot on the weak wooden floor of our poor dwelling, which succumbed to my adrenalized might and shook and creaked at my each step. 

I lighted the gas stove and heated half a kettle of water. Still then, within, I was mentally disturbed; unbalanced with wrath.

 The water boiled as did my blood. 

I turned for sugar container. There were those black gregarious sugar feeding ants, at the rim of the loosely closed lid. They seemed disturbing and the very instant I saw them, the Hyde in me surfaced. 

Without a second thought, I crushed few with my fingers and with a bang of my palm against the container, the entire division was swept away. 

On hearing the noise, my father rushed into the kitchen. Upon seeing the massacre, he stared at me but couldn’t say anything to me. “Poor animals.” And he left. 

Though a practical Buddhist, he couldn’t save those unfortunate that one time. Other time, even a fly that contaminates his tea and about to drown, he would fish out before late and let go rather than let it perish.  And upon accomplishment, he would advise me,”when it comes to the desire to live, all of us are same. They like not to be killed. When it comes to the degree of their innocence, compare them to children.”

Then, before me, lay the deed of my unbalanced and sick mind. They didn’t even retaliate by biting me back; they weren’t the kind – they were just a sugar loving ants. They simply tried to escape me. They were defenceless; as defenceless as an innocent child and as innocent as a school boy. 

When defenceless, innocence, harmless, killing and anger echoed in my calming mind, the remorse came as a shame upon me. 

*And when the school was attacked, I felt the same again.*